August 29th

Dear Reader,

I don't even know what to write about anymore. I feel vitriol through my veins, a feeling of despair and hatred left over from that bitter taste. I can't stand it. I want to be able to express myself, and not already hate the ones I talk to. I don't want to feel as if everyone is just a vacuum. I don't even know how to describe it, the words don't come to me anymore. I don't feel energy anymore, flying on fumes of desperation. I have trouble speaking the words I have. I want to tell you it will all be okay, but I can't anymore. I can't see where it is going. This past year and a half has been very hard. When I look back at the accomplishments of graduating, it feels like nothing. It seemed as if my life ended then. I see nothing of interest in my present, and I hide away from this idea. I push through this feeling, but it seems as if that is the only energy I have. I feel too tired to do anything else but to exist. I know I could have so much potential if I could just gather up the strength. My body feels heavy with a burden of anxiety. I feel like I have failed, and yet I haven't even tried. I can't seem to muster the energy I need.

I don't know where my will has gone, my dreams and aspirations have all faded. It's a struggle...I can't find my reason anymore. I don't know where to go from here. When people ask me what I want to do, I cannot give an answer that is specific. I know I want to do something, but...but I don't know what. I do not know what I want to become, I just don't want to be like this. I can't see the purpose to this existence anymore, and yet I want it so much. I want to live, I want to dream again, I want to feel the will to move forward.

I need purpose. Why am I here?

With regards,
Villiam

The Dead Silence

Bitter we speak,
Begotten with emotion.
Fabricate this touch.

End

I guess the end has come.
No more to see.
No more to hold on to.
No more us, and yet the dreams don't stop.
I guess this is the end.
So when does it get to stop for me.
Be happy, I shall mourn in peace.

Punishment

This fire burns black.
Smoke resonates within all crevices.
A heart beats, as it boils in blisters.
Death streaks across the windowsill.
Engulfed in ember, spitting fumes.
Asphyxiate into darkness.
Bare it alone I shall.
This punishment lays the floor we walk upon.
Fallen onto tinder.
Flash burn in front of my eyes.
This carbon ash is all what remains.
Temper pulses within.
Burn me alive,
I don't care.
Punish me until you are satisfied.

Tithe

We pay a price with life. We know one day the toll must be paid. He waits, he lingers in wait.  It times end, questions will be asked. Were you happy? Were you sad? What did you regret? Would you go back?

These questions aren't for him to know, but for you to look back. Your toll is to realize, life becomes worry. Keep it simple, love and keep them close. Don't over complicate it. Be you, remember what you loved to do as a kid. Go out and play. We don't need technology, leave the phone at home. Time isn't wasted...walk don't drive. Enjoy the peace, go dance in the breeze.

Death will come, do not worry, live while you can. Don't linger on the defined. Don't stop and ask why. Enjoy the smiles when you have them.

On fire

Can't breathe.
Lungs collapse.
Fatigued.
Heart racing.
Fear strikes.
Vision blurred.
Gagging on words.
Echoes SCREAM!
Don't let me fall.
Tears drip,
Are you there?
I'm scared.

Displacement

Living in dreams.
Dying in reality.
Nightmares of life.
Troubled thoughts.
Anguished love.
Neglect of touch.
Eyes of judgment.
Run Run Run
You scare me.