Sunday, April 24, 2011


Lift up your hearts,
Bring glory of the good news.
Walk triumphently with praise
Ascend into Heaven,
Home for everyone now.
Salvation has opened.
Bring joy, redemption is at hand.
This broken cage no more,
Rejoice, freedom at last.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


I don't know what to do...I want to run away. I want to leave here...I love my family very much, and I love living with them. I cherish seeing them everyday. I can't get over this anxiety I feel. I feel alone, I want to get away from this stress. I keep thinking about things I shouldn't. I don't want to be a source of drama. I feel like I am suffocating under this pressure. I don't even know what I feel anymore. Resentment, I am not confident over myself anymore. I feel stupid, something that should be simple to move past, keeps building walls in my head. I want to scream, and yet I am too self-conscious to even shout into open air.

I feel like I am crumbling again. I...I want to breathe easy. I want to cry. I'm scared I can't do this alone. I feel as if I am on a cliff, looking down and seeing the rocks burst with furious waves that will kill me if I fell. I am losing my balance, and I want to reach for a hand thats been retracted.

I went for a brief drive today...and I felt so empty. Why can't I release this feeling? I want to cry in your arms...I just want to cry in your arms. I don't want you to cry, I don't want you to be worried. I just want your shoulder, I just want your ear.

I hate that I can't let go, I hate that I can't just leave you alone. I want to hold back these tears...these emotions scare me. I want to feel something that isn't sorrow.

Fuck...I need to hands are shaking...why can't I handle this...this isn't complicated, and yet I lose my breath every time. I'm terribly sorry, I'm truely sorry I can't do this. I don't know why I feel like death, I want to live, I want to get a job, and I want to prove to myself I am worthy of a life of happiness.

This voice is lost in echoes, thoughts race constantly, feeling myself scream. I am Villiam, lost in the mind of wander. Will this epoch ever come to a close? Will you be there when it does?

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Final Climax

I want to suffocate in between your legs.
I want to feel my energy become yours.
I want to hear my silence turn into moans.
I want to see you climax until the end.

Monday, April 18, 2011


Run away from this insanity,
Break the locks and flee.
Corruption instilled in flames
No purity to be gained.
Boil away this blood,
No exit in sight,
Run away from agony,
Weep until dried out.
Twilight comes,
Panic resonates with questions.
Answers not in sight,
Run away from this life.
Disappear into the unknown.
Solitude expands beyond this keep.
Escape, shatter these walls.
Fall into the crowd
Breathe in the company.
Go with the flow,
No return is necessary

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Monster (in progress)

Blood drips from the ceiling. The ceiling fan rages, splattering fragments left of the dead. There I was, stuck in the corner watching it all go down. The police arrive. “Oh my god!” exclaimed the first on site. His face turned pale as the night…never has he seen such a scene. “You! Put your hands up, you are under arrest!” He pulled his gun and aimed at my chest, as if there was any reason to think that would scare me after seeing what happened. His hands were shaking; I walked out of the corner, put my hands up to ease the man. He relaxed his weapon once he had me shackled. He escorted me out as more police arrived, and threw me in his patrol car. It felt like hours before I was taken to the station, the detectives arrived later than the ordinary police…they had no idea what to do until they arrived; it was hard not to laugh while locked in the car watching them run around like headless chickens. The detectives…were more interested in the scene, they gathered the evidence, looked at me in the car listening to the first on site. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to wait in the car so long if there were others alive. The first on site, I didn’t catch his name, got into the car, looked in the rear-view mirror and looked petrified as he stared at me. The drive was fast….he regained his composure as kept his eyes focused elsewhere. They took me straight into the interrogation room. I was covered in blood; the mirror wasn’t helping my case. My shirt was soaked with blood, chunks of I don’t know what were scattered in all the nooks you could think of. I asked if I could clean up, and without hesitance they let me. A change of clothes were provided and I was sat back in the interrogation room and was given a long wait alone. I suppose they are going over the scene still…no one here but me exactly knew what happened, and they were getting their cards together before trying to deal with the sole survivor. I suspect they think I did it, and I guess that’s fair to think.

Ghost Words

A noose once hanged…his body cut down.
Carry these words until the end.

Step away, take a breath.
Don’t jump, not yet…
You have so much to live for.
Your beauty transcends this world,
Messianic words flutter from your lips.
You could rule with an iron fist,
Yet gentle to every touch.
Don’t jump, wait…just wait.

Don’t jump, you aren’t the same.
Remember your glory,
Let this bridge have its day
The rhythm of lights, tranquility
Shine with life, don’t jump.
You will see me someday.
Live, live, live for our memories.
I’ll wait everyday

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Mind's Eye

I want to look into your mind,
As your thoughts scroll as lyrics.
Vividly seeking for the truth.
Sucked in by chaos, trampled with noise.
Gasp for air, breathe in your fears.
I stand resolved, faced with delusions.
Encompass me, deaf to fallacies.
Dive deep into desire, fade into black depth.
I hold my breath, suffocating under your density.
Thrive beyond all glory, suffer from disparity.

Peer into my mind.
Entranced by hollow echoes.
Follow my steps into oblivion.
A cage stands empty in sight.
Behold my sanctuary,
Eternal oscillation

Monday, April 11, 2011


I don't know what I was thinking.

A feather falls from the sky.

Dip in ink, and black it out.

Consumed by the void.

Drop everything.


Saturday, April 9, 2011

Should I go back to facebook?

Should I go back to facebook?

Answer here

Friday, April 1, 2011


Sometimes I wish our minds were more like computers, and that we could delete things from our memory. I don't really know how to remove persistent thoughts. But I guess if I cannot actually remove those memories, I can at least not access it. I am tired of it...I am bored of it...I want some thoughts that resemble my life as it is now. I am better than this, I can do better than her...especially since she is nonexistent. I want to scream, I want to yell, and I want to say hurtful things about her. And yet, the one thing I want to do more, is I want her to cease to exist in my memory banks. I don't want to think of her, I don't want to recognize her if I saw her. I don't want her roaming in my dreams and I don't want to care about her at all. I hate the things she has done, and the person I love is a fallacy, she doesn't exist anymore. I remember her so well, and I remember seeing her fade away with time. I remember this fit girl, who was random and always fun, she thought of me very little, I was usualyl on the back burner when we were friends. And then we dated, and it was wonderful for the first 3 months. and thats when it should have ended. I loved that person very much, and I wanted to marry her, even though she kept asking me, I thought it was too early for that. I did ask her later on (probably a bad idea with the knowledge gained over time, but I suppose thats what happens when you are in love). But now, thats all gone, still locked in my head unable to escape. I WANT IT GONE. I dislike who she became, and dislike the fact that I still want to surround myself with someone who only looks like the shell of the person they once were. I dream about her while I am awake, and sadly...I wish it was reality still. I am done...I want to be done...she is no longer fit, she no longer writes, and she just wants to be left alone. I see no life in my thoughts, or with her. And yet, I can't turn away...I would do anything for her if she asked.

It isn't the ones who love you, but who you love that matters. I don't want to love her, I want her to disappear from my mind, as she already has done physically. Why bother holding on to someone who doesn't want you.

I want to forget who you are...
I want to forget you exist...
I want to forget the love I have for you.
I want to give up on you.