Thursday, September 22, 2011


Here we are, side by side.
Press our lips together, smiling with our eyes.
A path of rediscovery we chose to venture.
Here we kiss as our hands explore.
You unzip and unbutton my pants as I do the same.
You grip me gently, becoming firm as you stroke.
Smiling gracefully, as you slowly glide your kisses.
Teasing the tip with licks, as your lips take me in.
Panting with pleasure, your tongue makes me speechless.

Climax approaching, I lift your head and glide my fingers into your pants.
Feeling you squirm with excitement, my fingers become wet as they enter.
Pulling off your pants, I begin to kiss up your legs. Panting as my fingers curl, pressing my tongue against you.
Moans let out, breathes become heavy, you contract in ecstacy.
You pull me up, and kiss me with energy as you slide me in.
The glow in your face, the embrace of your arms pushes me deeper.
Climax reached.
We kiss passionately as we stay one.
I take you in my arms, holding you as we fall asleep.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


Here I rest my head, driving thoughts from the sea. Drive out these delusions, relax the mind. Allow my eyes the slumber they desire. Dream up a life of no boundries, where everything is right. Lets hope for peace... I am tired of  the nightmares 

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

September 20th

I sit to try and write today, just felt like writing so here I am.

I am not sure how I feel anymore, I don't feel lonely to the same extent. I do feel very anti social still, not interested in many things, but I think it is getting better. My thoughts come and go, and usually its not the most pleasant. But I don't feel sad. I feel burdened. I feel like I still have a giant weight being held high above me. I think that I have given myself this burden over the past 3 years. I am still unsure, I still dream of things I know won't happen. I still feel like my life should be elsewhere, but I am trying to comprehend the control of my life. I know that not talking is self-destructive path I cannot keep following. I just am not interested in anyone. People don't catch my eye, or feel worth knowing. It isn't lonely I feel, but more crowded by noise that people create. I see drama everywhere, and I don't want to be a part of such a system of connection. I lack this drive, and I am not sure where to get it. I stifled the calls inside me, I hated the emotions I felt, unable to relieve myself of sorrow and anger wrapped in one. The more I struggled the tighter its grasp took. I wanted out, I wanted to breath on my own again. I know inside I don't want it over, I want to hold on to something that I know keeps me here. I don't know what would happen now, it would mostly fall apart again, and yet despite all that, I never want the chaos to end. I don't want to let go of how greatly I feel for her. It's as if I want to believe in lies I create in my head. I struggle to grasp reality, it thrives on our desperation to want meaning, to want someone by our side. to know we aren't alone. I don't think I can forget her completely, and I think I am okay with that. I just don't want it to hinder me from living my life. I don't want to think about what her life is like, how happy she is or the worse case, how sad she is. I want to let go of my emotions that guide me to not trust her, even though my heart beckons for her side. I don't know how to let go, but I want to for my sake, and her's. I still want to be her's forever, even if I never am.

I don't know what I'd do if this ever mattered. I think this topic is dead, but it is hard for me to not try and breathe life into it.