Wednesday, April 20, 2011


I don't know what to do...I want to run away. I want to leave here...I love my family very much, and I love living with them. I cherish seeing them everyday. I can't get over this anxiety I feel. I feel alone, I want to get away from this stress. I keep thinking about things I shouldn't. I don't want to be a source of drama. I feel like I am suffocating under this pressure. I don't even know what I feel anymore. Resentment, I am not confident over myself anymore. I feel stupid, something that should be simple to move past, keeps building walls in my head. I want to scream, and yet I am too self-conscious to even shout into open air.

I feel like I am crumbling again. I...I want to breathe easy. I want to cry. I'm scared I can't do this alone. I feel as if I am on a cliff, looking down and seeing the rocks burst with furious waves that will kill me if I fell. I am losing my balance, and I want to reach for a hand thats been retracted.

I went for a brief drive today...and I felt so empty. Why can't I release this feeling? I want to cry in your arms...I just want to cry in your arms. I don't want you to cry, I don't want you to be worried. I just want your shoulder, I just want your ear.

I hate that I can't let go, I hate that I can't just leave you alone. I want to hold back these tears...these emotions scare me. I want to feel something that isn't sorrow.

Fuck...I need to hands are shaking...why can't I handle this...this isn't complicated, and yet I lose my breath every time. I'm terribly sorry, I'm truely sorry I can't do this. I don't know why I feel like death, I want to live, I want to get a job, and I want to prove to myself I am worthy of a life of happiness.

This voice is lost in echoes, thoughts race constantly, feeling myself scream. I am Villiam, lost in the mind of wander. Will this epoch ever come to a close? Will you be there when it does?

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